last minute’s plea

and if soulmates fucking exist, you better hurry up,
i think i could be dying, each morning and night,
i cough up blood stuck in plasma and think it’s strange,
then i don’t pick up the phone and my friends think
i’m whining, i’m really groaning, i’m in prolonged pain,
so where the hell are you? my mother and Himeros
pity me because i wished on Anteros the whole time,
i was hopeful, i saw love and love fallen and faded,
i was injured and empathetic, my mistake, i still always
believed i’d get a someone worth all this upwind hell,
a truthfulness and trust like no other, that’s what it
has to be all about, why else could i be dying, love?
if not for the earth’s turning to lead you right to me,
if not for tears over the years at seasides of loneliness,
if not for all this waiting, if not for –

would i have found you first?
am i just possessing destiny
and losing sight of willful freedom?
am i poisoned by naive, by lust,
by adornment and icy winters?
i would fall so much all the time,
i’d crack my head open on memories,
and blood would melt it, the ice,
that’s the power of my heart,
i would swear it, i would plead it,
i’d kiss it and testify, my love,
i know you’re out there,
but is it me? have i not been trying?
do i glance too often, too little?
am i pretending patience?
i might be. i might be dying,
i might be overflowing drama,
but isn’t that the point then?

love like the
         world burns tomorrow?

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