26 minutes

1:16am
i want no paper trail of it,
just the tiny cuts on my
heart and internal bleeding.

1:18am
did you know you’ve got me
smiling before i go to sleep?
and that i think about
how much you made me laugh
when me and that kid shared a
look because it was obvious
that you are absolutely silly inside,
that you’ve got a heart too big to match.

1:20am
well, it’s up to both of us now,
i know i’ve got to pull away more,
and that you’ve got to choose.

1:24am
when you called me gorgeous,
it was such a gentle torment.
and i wish i didn’t know
how good you smell standing
close behind me, another burn.

1:27am
come on, choose me, please,
or fine, choose your heart,
but i refuse to believe
that it’s just me
feeling this pull, the fire,
the flame, the truth.

1:29am
and you know truth is love.

1:30am
no, i take it back, i have to
erase it, it’s too clear, too honest,
always revealing, like a moon, and
i don’t have to tell you
you’re like the sun to me, do i?

1:34am
so who is she? and what’s got
you so confused about? did she
see you or did you see her first? is she
treating you wrong somehow? what
makes a man in a commitment
swoon about another woman like this?
is it just lust? or do you like it
when our eyes meet too?

1:37am
i’m no jolene, i’m nothing uncomplicated,
or uninvolved, or unloving, or unfaithful,
i only expect myself to get
these trail marks, the scars, here,
not you, you’re the holder,
the deciding factor,
i could only hear the words
“it’s over between us”
and i’d have to know who
you’re talking about first,
before i ever touched you, i hold
my morals to my chest with
the shakiest hands, but still held.

1:42am
but for now, it’s still something
i never thought i’d feel before,
and i still like hearing your jokes,
even if i have to bite my lip,
and not let the joy slip out loud,
i still think you’re the fucking best,
loved to meet you, still want to
get to read your heart’s first chapter
and see you in the sunshine,
take us both somewhere good.

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