chess bet

if i had known we were playing a game,
i would’ve followed the rules better,
i try to do good and right by people,
i try to forgive what’s happened in the past,
either to you, me, someone else’s bad day,
i try to detach by thinking what i say is
what i can do for you, how to keep
playing, but i missed a move,
and you knocked down the last safety
piece i had to protect it all, so
how am i supposed to trust you now,
when your words don’t match your actions,
when you say you think about me but mean my body,
so how am i supposed to trust you now?
and why give at all if you don’t want
to take too much at once, why do
you let me think i’m winning and
then kill the knight that quickly?
i thought we were on the same side,
looking at the same half moon, knowing the same
half truth and letting it hang there,
letting me think we had the rest of the
phases to figure it out, and let it
spin again and again before i had to cry,
but it’s the same old shit, same old moves,
i can see it’s a losing game now but it’s
too late, i already sacrificed the queen,
it’s too late, i already took what you gave
and kept it, just for me and memories, it’s too late,
you already knew your play from the start,
rehearsed it, had “beautiful” scripted
until i believed it, until i let you use it,
it was on repeat and now it’s embedded
itself somewhere special, even i can’t
find it and pry it out with muddy hands,
i don’t even know if i would give it back to you,
now i just know it was an easy play –
the affection, the compliments, i swallowed it up,
you’ve seen me hungry and burned and bleeding,
purple bags of misery under my eyelids,
sweat beads on my forehead, yawn on my lips,
i swallowed it up, baby, tell me, who wouldn’t?
at least i know ahead of time i’ll have to pay for
this somehow, i just keep wondering how
high you’re gonna make the stakes.

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One thought on “chess bet

  1. Interesting little game you play here, connecting love and chess. There sure are some similarities, even though love seems to be even more complicated sometimes. Simpler, yet more complicated;)

    Like

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