awakening

i love the shine on the water,
that the seasons change and the
water’s always moving – a rapid
rush or a glacial glow on top, how
it shines so much it blinds with white,
and it’s all so beautiful, baby, i wish
you were sitting next to me now,
i wish the trees were starting to bloom,
i want the green and the bright
and the shimmering, the skin,
the hardened mud, i want a trail
to be only ours, make our own way,
but that would be forcing it, unnatural
and predisposed if all i need is
to wait, to breathe patiently –
i already feel so much more alive,
i practice temper because i found
a cliff that bruised me that i
could have avoided, i feel completer
without the past being shameful,
i stole time to figure out what i deserved,
even when i itch for bigger adventures,
a broader journey or a good story to
tell, i make the best of what’s
been offered, i can watch this river
flow and touch serenity for seconds,
and it’s true that i feel better
with you, baby, but i am proud
i am no longer empty, or drowning
in this world’s sadness, to know
that i can stand for myself and tell
that sarcastic joke, i like to bring
out the joy for all the ugly my
mouth has spoken, for the tears
i dropped in complaint, i am better
than that girl who tried to die at 16,
i am older than the roots of my nature,
i am spreading out to different planes
and i’d like to take you with me –
i’d like to leave flowers unstepped on
but sometimes it’s hard to avoid,
i’d like my dreams to have a better
ending, but nothing’s ever planned,
all this day knows is itself and
now it’s all i know too.